Love in my hand

On this heart day where people are talking about love and what their significant other is doing to celebrate the love that is shining so bright in their village... I am giving myself a gift.  I am loving myself enough to lean into this crazy idea. Staying true to my passions.  I am starting a new project for the next 182 days. It looks like this... For the next six months I will post about what I did to love big on that given day.  Love, it's a word that is thrown around a lot - but what do we do to show love?  Do not roll your eyes or hit x. Stay with me here.

I need a deadline because you all know I am a serial fizzer outer read here  to catch up! I figure if it is out there in the Internet abyss for you all to see then maybe I will finish it.  And show some people love along the way.  And maybe no one will read it or care. That is kinda scary. But I'm doing it anyway. Authentic. All the way.

So I am now responsible for actually living out my mantra... Love big or go home.  

I don't know what it is going to look like- maybe I will want to put a fork in my eye by day five. I am hoping it motivates me to continue my trek through the trenches and build my love empire and continue to conquer the walls I tear down and build again and again.  My dream is, for one day the walls will come down forever and I will feel safe and loved in my own skin to just BE. 

Today was a good love day.  I have a twisted affair with food and my husband loves my homemade italian meatballs - I don't make them often. They are messy and time consuming and frankly I have to have just the right ingredients for my grandmothers recipe. It goes hand in hand with "THE Sauce" and I'm not talking Ragu. It's a labor of love. The girls helped me all day and prepared for his homecoming. I made him meatballs, spaghetti, amazing bruschetta and a delicious dessert pizza. I had to make him think he wasn't getting a warm cooked meal - enter maniacal laugh. Imagine his delight when he opened the pizza box and found this 

He was happy.  So today that is what I did to show him that yes... I do love you. 

Look here, I am not always loving big.  In fact there are days when it is dark and swampy in my world and love is just a word that means nothing. I am snappy and my face gets squished up and wrinkles appear in places that I didn't know I had. I am jumpy and yelly and impatient. Don't forget judgy.    I want to love.  To love. I want to love big and do.  So this is where my passion meets paper.  I have 182 days to get it right in some small way and or big way to show that love does win! 

Maybe you are out there and asking what the heck is she thinking? I know, right! But there is a job to do. And I am choosing to take on this love project.  To love my God, love myself, love my husband and daughters and love my village ... just to start.  

182 days to love and share my progress with you does seem a little daunting.   I may go flat before I even start but I'm willing to try.  Love does.  And I am ready to do.  

Stick with me players. This could get interesting!