What's the word, hummingbird?

Someone said to me last week, you haven't written in a while. I smiled and said, I know! But that really wasn't the truth... I have written. A ton actually. In the middle of the night when I can't go back to sleep. In the middle of my love campaign, I write feverishly to love bigger and dream even bigger than that. I have been busy on all fronts...school, events, kids, spring cleaning* just like you! But I promise I am still writing.

Because of Good Will Hunting I wanted to make my life into a movie. It was 1997. I was in Connecticut. And I was convinced Ben was going to dump Gwyneth for me AND we were going to fall in love and WIN Oscar after Oscar for our clever writing styles!  But first I needed to write it all down.

I love to write.  It's the publishing part I suck at it. Are people reading? Do they like it? Am I making a difference? Is it inspiring people?  That my friends is the vulnerability, the need to be loved and be accepted by all that prevents me from publishing.

All of those things jump in and out of my brain, like a trampoline. But I write so much better than I speak. My brain goes too fast for my mouth and I stumble and skip all over the place.  I can start talking about a recipe but end up talking about sunglasses and the seven degrees of separation that got me to that place is enough for someone to call Uncle!!!!

Here are a few reasons why I write:

1. No one Can Interrupt Me
As I type or journal it is just me getting to say what I want to. No one can chime in- tell me their version, opinion or experience.  Call me selfish but I am interrupted daily... I am a mom.

2. Reflection
Writing helps me reflect on a situation or scenario and how I handled it or failed miserably at handling it. It allows to look back at times in my life that were happy and full of life and other times that my life was hard and messy.

3. Writing shows my Growth (or lack there of)
It is a given that writing allows me to be betterish. As I get older I am becoming more in touch with who I am and realizing that it is OK that I am not the Stepford version of a wife ( actually I am quite sure I am the furthest thing from) I mess up daily. I am okay with being not okay all the time. Imperfection. Everyone is imperfect. Not everyone is okay with that... I am. We are okay!

4. Writing makes me bravish
I can say things that I may not be able to say face to face. It gives me a platform to put my big girl panties on and say what I believe in and what I am willing to go to the mattresses for. (there is another list there and a post so stay tuned) Don't confuse that as weakness...it is just me being vulnerable about raw, authentic feelings that I sometimes can't verbalize.

5. Writing keeps my mind sharpish
Writing everyday allows my stream of conscious to flow and get better. It's important to find the words to communicate and the more I practice the better I get. Makes sense?


Do you remember when Matt Damon gets Minne Driver's number in the bar...  He says, to the haters...

"Do you like Apples? Because I got her numba... how do you like them apples!?"  I chuckle every time I hear it... and makes me fist pump...you GO MATT! woot woot!

He was the underdog, he didn't stop, he was brave (maybe a little reckless) and went after something he wanted.

So to my shame and my dark places... I SAY!  BOOM. I got my own numba!  This is my life, How you like me now?  WRITE. Right???

It has been too long since I actually published a post. I have missed you! I haven't stopped writing. I can't do that. It is the thing that keeps me feeling connected. Yes, you read right... as plugged in as I am to all the social media outlets they don't connect me to others. When I write I feel like I am reaching out and giving you all a hug... and somehow I reminded that we aren't alone in this crazy sweet life we have been given.

Thanks for flying by!

Share if you will...comment if you wish...come back again!

*I AM  NOT SPRING CLEANING. I should be...but who has time for that? If you do, great...just don't judge my windows or my winter clothes that are sandwiched in with my spring clothes hoping to see the light of day!