Play Ball

Today we spent the day at the softball field. I lived at ballparks growing up- baseball and softball was in bred in me. I played on two and three teams at a time. Practice every night. It was competitive. I loved it. I still do. 

I met some amazing people that are still part of my village. 

Now with my nine year old trying to find "her thing" I can feel the pressure closing in on her... without even trying. I am vocal. I try to not be...its not who I am. It just doesn't feel right to sit there at a softball game and not say a word. I have handed the reins over to Dad- who yes, has high expectations but is able to clear her head of the doubts that I have unintentionally put there and make her brave. 

I have created doubt in her. It doesn't matter how I hard I try...I can't say the right thing when it comes to playing softball.  

I want to tell her that she doesn't have to do it for me- but I don't think she will believe me.

I want to tell her that I am proud of her no matter what- but she will look away.

I want to tell her that she will find what she loves soon enough and to stop putting pressure on herself but she will give me a half smile and walk away.

So today, after her softball game, I joined her team in the pitcher circle and I reached for her hand. And her coach prayed. I squeezed her hand and she squeezed it back. That was all that was needed after her strike out and base running mishap. I didn't say a word. 

A few years ago I took her to a local softball camp in the summer. There was a wide range of talent there. All decked out in their gear: fancy bags, bows and bats. I sat there and watched. 

And this is what I saw; during a running drill another girl fell and Reese stopped. She helped her up. and then kept running. I want to scream:  WAY TO GO REESE CAROLINE. WAY TO BE KIND AND BRAVE. But I refrained for fear of people not getting it. So she didn't know. Until tonight.

I told her how amazingly proud I was of her- I AM proud of her. She may not be the fastest but when someone falls she is the one that stops and makes sure they are okay. I told her she has a huge heart. A compassionate and loving soul. I told her it took guts and bravery that morning to not worry about her own skills and how she finished the drill to lend a hand to a complete stranger. I told her I love her the rainbowest and no matter if she doesn't believe me or not I AM PROUD OF HER. 

 

She grabbed my hand squeezed it and said simply and sweetly, Thanks, MOM. That's a home run in my book!