Fizz.

It. Is. Happening. Again.  I am slowly starting to fizz out. I can see it in the little things like getting to school a few minutes later. Or when I don't go through the girls paper's. Or how about when my husband asks if I want to have our peeps over for a bonfire and I say before he's even done speaking - no thanks. He just looks at me and  he knows. But he won't say anything...yet. Until he knows it's safe. 

Why does it happen? Why can't I keep the momentum going and my pop from going flat? So many questions keep me up at night...second guessing everything when my 6 pack is full of doubt.  I mean everything. Stupid things like: Should I keep my appointment for our family pictures this weekend? or how about:  Is it okay to have one stainless steel appliance and the others mis- matched? I mean Its like an orphan...it doesn't belong.  SQUIRREL.  What the hell is wrong with me? 

So I came home this afternoon and sat outside. I usually only like to be outside when there is a body of water involved but I needed air. I sat. No phone. No internet. Just me. And I listened.  My dog was rustling around in the leaves. The horses, our sweet horses, they were in the field just grazing. And I began to think how these animals came into our lives  at the most ideal time. They seemed to save us from continuing to fight at each other and start fighting for each other. I remained still and I knew at that moment what I needed to hear and know.  Maybe it is okay for my pop to go flat once in a while so that I can stop- and see how far I have come. Maybe its just that wake up call to be reminded that I am okay even when I am starting to fizz out. I just need to be still in that moment when I recognize it and embrace it. Not fight it.

 I just need some quiet time. I know that it is sometimes hard to find...but when this serial fizzer outer starts to feel the fizz dying - It's necessary. So here is what I plan to do for the rest of the week:

- wake up 10 minutes earlier and spend a few more minutes being still with my GOD and HIS word.

- drink less caffeine and fuel my body with natural energy and drink more water.

- kiss my husband more

- be on my phone less

- lean in to the fizz  - it is what it is. I'm gonna be okay with it. 

That's my plan. It's only for a few days. I can surely commit to these things.  It may not work. But I bet it will. Because that is what a hummingbird does...it tries like hell to find the good and even if they are flying backwards...we are still flying baby!