Day 166

My love campaign is in full swing and some days have been bigger than others or less eventful but some biggish love stuff is happening:

 

Day 180 - We said goodbye to COCO who showed us what unconditional love looked like for the last 10 years ... A very sad love day.  But we hugged. A lot. 

Day 179- brought soup and biscuits to our sweet neighbor who recently lost her  mom

Day 176 - I didn't yell once today.  I know that because my girls both told me before they went to bed. Love witnesses too!

Day 175 - reached out to someone who needed prayers. Love prays. 

Day 171- I baked today. I showed my love by baking someone their favorite treat.  Love bakes.

Day 169 - sent a love note to someone I care about. Reminding them that they are enough. Love reminds. 

So fast forward to today,  day 166. 

It is also snow day # 7.

My love campaign may be in full swing but I am feeling a little out of control these days.  Too many emotions. Not enough boxes to put them in. I'm a little bloodied. Loving is hard work. It hurts sometimes.  I am showing love and grace daily but I am messing up dailly too. And it's funny how things bring up old wounds that I think have been scabbed over and healed.  The scab gets bumped and the hurt oozes out a little.  

And then on a Monday, day 168, this morning I can't find a headband and I start screaming like a banchee and slamming drawers and turning baskets over.  I did it.  Oh my friends it was so ugly and loveless.  I found a headband not the right one but it would have to do.  I started yelling and blaming the girls for not putting things in the right place. And on and on ... They just stared at me with those big brown eyes.  I did it. Again. I said hurtful things and yelled after I told them I would try not too do it anymore. 

Daughter #2 tells me that my headband looks beautiful and I am always pretty. 

Jesus. Mary.  And Joseph.  There it was. 

She just showed me what love does. 

It forgives. 

So I cried on the way to school instead of participating in dance party and I said I was sorry.  I shouldn't have gotten so upset and yelled. And I told them both how I should have handled it - the lost headband situation.  And they both say... 

"It's okay mom... Now dance!!!!"

Whoop there it is. Love. 

So my owies scabbed over. And then the snow fell. Again. Husband left and the girls get cranky and for me I sometimes like the space that his job gives us. But this week not so much - I'm feeling a little abandoned and needy. 

I am recognizing disloyalty and it knocks off a scab and blood just gushes out and I'm hurting again. I am wondering how people that are suppose to show love are disloyal for their own gains.  Tough question, right?  So I clean out a closet and bake some bread and I try to make sense if it. But I can't. It still hurts. 

So love confuses too. 

So I may be bloodied and beaten up and confused but love has shown me that it forgives and it nudges me daily to keep fighting to DO.  Even when I shake my head in confusion at others action I must just love them anyway. And remember to not to confuse the people I LOVE with my actions. Capish?

Love is also listening to daughters practice the recorder. And not wanting to break it in half.  Work in progress. Love is happening. Here.