daily reminder

It's been forever since I had the chance to blog. I'm in the thick of school and grading and well you know, life.  I looked around my house today when I got home at 5... And said who leaves here?!?! There is paper piles and laundry and empty toilet paper rolls. Does anyone see them but me????

I went back to my journals and found one I never published and it is funny how it  fits today... Maybe I shouldn't worry about changing and just accept that I am who I am. It is what it is. And love my life. All of it.  That's scary.  

Earlier this week I talked about "fizzing" out with a friend and I made up a plan to get through the week with out going flat. In the process of this I read a lot. There is something about reading one's words on a page and the sanctity of writing. It is like the writer has given you your own personal invite to share a piece of themselves with you. A pretty brave thing. It is what has encouraged me to write again.

On the other hand there is something special about when someone reads something and sends it to you and says...this made me think of you. and I thought you may like it, you need to hear it, you will laugh at it,  you will challenge it,  you can relate to this; add something to it, believe it or simply enjoy it! It's like a little love note. Who doesn't like love notes?

I received an article from a friend a while back that you can read here about Zelda Williams unveiling her tattoo in honor of her dad, Robin Williams. It is a hummingbird...and my heart skipped a beat. They truly are one of the most beautiful creatures. They remind to me to keep flying...to keep looking for the good even when I know I am fizzing out. They remind me to laugh...and when I see one I always smile. 

I guess what I want you to know today is that...things may be flat and dark and scary but when you are ready to - someone will be there to help you fly again. And it is hard work to fly. But

It is totally worth it. Think of all things you would be missing if you never left the ground?

So - here is my reminder:
Smile.
Don't give up- for too long!
Things may or may not get better.
You are enough!
It is what it is.
Embrace both the ugly and sweet.
You are beautiful!

The Fall

Do you remember where you were 14 years ago? I do- to the minute ...the square of carpet I was standing on to the click of my boots on the hard aisle as I went to the TV.  My heart still aches. 
Just like thousands and thousands of others we won't forget that moment when America fell.

When my heart hurts or people around me are hurting I fly into beast mode. I want to DO! Love in action. Answer the CALL.  I try and figure out how to make the hurt stop.

Ask any of my village and they will tell you I always ask "whats next?"

 But what I am learning in this journey is that maybe we don't need to always rush to action after a fall...

Which brings me to this amazing bad ass author Brene Brown whose book Rising Strong I am reading right now. Or I should say listening to... I'm totally phoning this one in and opted for a book being read to me by none other than the author herself. 

I'm only in chapter 9. I have like 82 left. But on the eve of 9/11 there is so much of that book that translates and makes me say yep. I got it. I get it. Good!!!!

In our life we have all these things that happen- crappy things. Not so good things and then there are amazing things right? They look different to everyone but they all give you the good bumps and make you say "ahhhhh".

But as we rise and fall and fall and rise things at least for me get a little clearer.

Hear me out: 

1. Blue skies and green lights are awesome. But they don't happen all the time. So we have to hit a few red lights and get caught in the rain without an umbrella to appreciate those sunny skies. 

2. We all want the quick fix and the hero stories, but isn't the real winning in that beautiful, hard, struggle where we are battling to get back up? Let's hear about that. 

3. Life isn't perfect. It's not easy and it's is certainly not fair when we are face down after a 50 story fall. But. There is a but - if you are brave enough to embrace the fall and rise again -that is where that sweet beauty is. 

14 years after the United States fell flat on its face and the wind was taken out of our lungs we are still getting back up. New struggles knock us down. The survivors and heroes of 9/11 are still showing up. A new memorial has risen. It personifies the rise and fall of this moment in history that no one will forget.

Thank you 9/11 and all those people that lost heir lives and their loved ones. The children of 9/11 that won't know their parents and the Heroes that sifted through ashes to give a family peace. 

On that heartbreaking day lives were changed forever.

So if you fall, come on you are human. You will fall. 

Embrace the fall

Pace yourself 

Adapt and overcome. 

This happens 15 times a day for me; and that's on a good day!!!  I fall. A lot.  

So take a deep breath. And never forget what that fall felt like.  The rise will be so much sweeter if we remember it with humility and unabandoned truth.  

  

Lobsters, Hooties, Luggage and Love

Today is National Friendship Day.  It's on the Internet- it has to be true.  I read a few days back this quote from Brilliant Bob: 

"God makes mountains to dazzle us and friends to love us".

Bob Goff

Bob Goff is a genius. I love his book, Love Does. It speaks to me about putting all the words into action and doing something. Anything that is loving. I follow him on Instagram and FB and you should too. He makes me want to yell,  Ahoy mate. Come on board.  I've got room for "all you all" here...  He is a lover of Christ and the truth he sheds is real. It is simple. 

I know God gives us friends. He puts people in places and sprinkles them around to make your life just a smidge better. Easier.  Lighter. At least that is the way it is for me.

They are like the accessories to my favorite outfit... The cream of the crop...  the flip to my flop and the cheese to my wine.

Some friends are hiding in unlikely of places. and the best friendships are ones you don't have to work at.. easy breezy flying, all green light kinds, those are the ones to hold on to.  One day you look around and say, damn, I got lucky in the friend department.

It's hard to put a label on friendships and who is what to me... but THEY know who they are. My village. the women I am proud to get to call my friends.   I would like to think that I am changed from them being in my life present or past...

Everyone needs friends. It's been said that you live longer having fulfilling friendships then without.  

Bert had Ernie, Meredith had Christina, Laverne had Shirley, Thelma had Louise, Woody had Buzz, Lucy had Ethel, Batman had Robin and Ruth had Naomi. 

One of my favorite stories in the bible is in the Book of Ruth... read it and then tell me that doesn't encompass one of the most rich, complicated, brave and loyal friendships in history.

 "Where you go, I will go, where you stay I will stay" 

Ruth 1:16

Here are the 7 reasons why you need friends...

THEY:

1. Remind us: Whether it is reminding you to sign your kids up for dance class or its your turn to bring meat and cheese to the Christmas party. your friends will keep track of your head when you may have lost it. They are also there to remind you that it is okay you aren't feeling awesome today and they remind you that tomorrow is a new day...
2. Celebrate with us: Birthdays, holidays, promotion at work, or maybe it is that you made it through the day with out throat punching some one;  these friends are an instant party, They are your biggest fans. 
3. Challenge us: Ahhh... this is a hard one. but you need those groupies to make you better,  they want the best for you and your family, even if you can't see it. These are the friends that say what they mean and mean what they say. You may not like it but you have to hear it  these friends keep it for real!
4. Cry with us: You may have just lost your parent, job, or your way or maybe there isn't anymore wine; these friends prop us up and lean into the hurt with us. They give us guardrails and safety nets. They promise a real promise - not that it won't hurt anymore, but they will be there and show up for us.
5. Fight for us: They show us our strength when we don't recognize it.  They have your back when you are right and they will tell you when you are wrong.  These are the ones that tell you that you can do hard things and even if you don't want to they will. They are on your side and will go to the dark alley with you to fight your demons. 
6. Laugh with us: Sometimes they laugh AT you when you may have had a a few mishaps of the falling down kind or dancing like an absolute buffoon. They make you laugh with their made-up words or silly text messages. No one may get it but you two...and you don't care. These favorite people are the ones that you can laugh with until your sides hurts. 
7. Love us: This is the big one. they LOVE us. It s a verb... not an adjective. Well, it can be. Oh well,  never mind that. But I mean L-O-V-E you. Show up for you. even when it may not be easy. They show you grace and love every imperfect part of you.

So call your person. Your Lobster. Your Hooties. The ones you love more than your luggage! Hug them. Celebrate your friendships today, whether it is a new friendship, one that has stood the test of time or maybe one that needs a little TLC. Just do it.  Love is an action after all.

And if that isn't enough to make you get all lovey and ready to do back flips about how freaking awesome your friends are...you can watch some of my all time favorite friendship movies... (after you give the dog a bath, laundry, and cook dinner OF COURSE!)

Pop some corn and a cork ... And watch. You can thank me later.

Steel Magnolias

Beaches

Thelma and Louise

Fried Green Tomatoes

Walking and Talking 

What is your favorite friendship movie? Comment below... I would love to hear. 

The World is a Small Town

So, this article   9 signs You're a Small- Town girl at Heart...came across my news feed... and I thought OH,  I am so reading that. And well you should too!

It is no secret that I was raised with concrete and cookie cutter houses.  WE have lived in our small town for nearly 11 years.  I remember the first time I visited my husbands hometown like it was yesterday... AZALEA weekend 2001. I saw the sign with total population... my high school had more students in it. I was nervous. Maybe they were too... I doubt it,

It all went dandy, I sat on a front porch sing and drank tea and got to know his family in a slow and easy breezy kind a way. He said hello to everyone as we strolled through the festival and everyone acknowledged me.  That was the first time for the rest of my life  that in Southeast Missouri I would be someone other than  me. I wasn't just me anymore. It wasn't my territory. I was visiting and as long as I was, they would warm and kind and welcoming. I was lucky.  But I was HIS girlfriend, fiance, wife. Not the autonomous me that I fought so hard for when I left my nest and flew East.

Fast forward to today and we are settled in our home town with a village of people whom I adore. I love my job. I just wish I would have started teaching sooner.  My daughters are involved and loved and soaring. Husband makes a good life for us. We have planted roots.

But every once in a while the what ifs start dancing around in my head about small town vs big city. And lets face  it what ifs are never fun...at least for me because I usually am having these thoughts when husband is out of town and I am going to attend church by myself again tomorrow. My wings are flapping a little at the what ifs.

Enter the list: 9 signs You're a Small- Town girl at Heart by blogger howdoesshe.

So here it is: 
1. You can fix anything with twine and duct tape. - Nope I am not a fixer at all. I just ask husband or Poppy. Sorry, my mom was the same way. 

2. You don't see what the big deal is about locking the front door. I always lock my front door and even daughter number one double checks it habitually. That could be because Daddy is out of town a lot and it makes us feel safe.

3. You get extremely impatient when a line is longer than two people. Well, maybe, but only because life is busy- but I can handle it. I will admit the longer I am here I get crazy when my local grocery store is packed*. Come on people... I am shopping. GO AWAY. * by no means is the store packed, or is there traffic like OC. But it is becoming a new norm. 

4. Big buildings make you claustrophobic. I love big buildings and I can not lie!

5. Crowds just aren't your thing. Well, this one as I get older I am realizing I don't like them. Or is it because I may see someone I may know...in that crowd. See number 8.

6. You don't see a problem with getting married young. I got married older...29. It is hard work. But I was busy doing other things before I fell in love for the last time. I have friends that got married right out of high school and others that were in their late 30's. You can't hurry love. But sometimes it can't wait either. You know your heart. 

7. You are incredibly creative when it comes to entertainment.  I must be incredibly dumb...because I don't know what this means. You make your own fun...you travel...you live. Okay, I do that.

8. When you go to Walmart, you automatically look for someone you know. I see someone every single time I am there that I know. Maybe even more than one. And I try my hardest to avoid Walmart. 

9. You secretly like the smell of cow poop. I can't even right now. So I won't.

I read the list and re read it... and it is pretty straight forward that I am not a small town girl at heart. I love many aspects of living in a small town. But on the flip side of that I hope and pray that I am giving daughters enough diversity and culture to be well rounded, accepting people of society.

Look, I am not saying people that have been born and raised generations and generations in a small town aren't well rounded.  Some of my dearest friends have lived here forever. They make fun of me about  my lack of fishing and hunting knowledge, pronunciations of names, directions that I should know etc.  I can take it. I love them that much.

I am also saying that people that live in big cities aren't  better than small town folk...although I do know several egotistical peeps that do think they are better because of their zip code.  But I am a transplant. I am city girl that has planted roots in a small town.  But man, every once in while my wings are flapping to see what is outside the small town for me and my family.  And then I wake up and see this...and I think, ahhhhhhh sweetness. You rock my world with this moment.

I think it is all about mindset maybe... if you have a beautiful  mindset  regardless if you are a small town girl or a big city slicker,  and you are willing to look at your life and love it... better yet OWN IT. YES, THAT IS IT. JUST OWN IT.  All of it, the easy breezy days and the thunder filled messy nights where the what ifs are crashing in... I think I am a more a little big town girl. or whateves. I'll own it. Be nice... because the world really is just a BIG small town. Love each other.

I heart Summer

I love summer. It is my time to catch up on chores around the house and deep clean every nook and cranny. I wash windows and clean baseboards.  Are you still there? Because that is a bold face lie. Sorry, Mom, no baseboard washing is happening!

All year long I go and go until my tank is empty. One of the perks of teaching is the summer...its flexible and its GOOD.  I LOVE everything about the summer.

Once July starts to creep up, I am actually relaxed and able to breathe again.

Here are 10 reasons I live for summer:

1. Flip flops- growing up in sunny Southern California I was always barefoot. Sandals were a necessity unless I was in cleats. I have so many pairs of flip flops that it is just shameful - but it doesn't matter-  I always buy a new pair to commence summer. This is what I bought this year from my favorite store...TARGET!

2. Late Nights- whether I am binge watching Orange is the New Black or Bloodline (this summer's must see shows for me) I enjoy being able to go to bed at all hours of the night and not setting my alarm. Thank you Netflix!!

3. NO ALARM mornings-It doesn't matter what time I  do go to bed, I am usually always up before the girls. I can have my coffee on the deck - just in quiet. No rushing. I usually think about what we are going to do that day and it usually is a whole lotta nothing. Because remember that is something!

4. Sunny Weather-  My girls are swimmers and love to be in the pool. They go in when it is way too cold for me. But eventually when it heats up I'm so in! We play silly games, of cannonball, create whirlpools and endless rounds of monkey in the middle.  This year we added water aerobics to our mix. It makes me feel a little better about the Chinese food we ordered for dinner. EGG ROLL anyone?

5, BBQ's- Its no surprise I like to have parties and entertain and in the summer it is easier. Our schedule isn't so jam packed. It's easy to call friends and tell them to grab some BBQ essentials and come over. The kids run around, get hot and sweaty and WORN out and we get to drink and laugh and be awesome. Our favorite bbq treat, S'mores! I did just find this little gem on Pinterest...called a Woof Em. And summers are for trying new things too, so when we go glamping in August we will be trying these!

6. Peaches- I had two peach trees in my backyard as a girl. I will admit the chore of over ripened peaches is enough to make me turn up my nose once or twice but I still love seeing ripe seasonal fruit. We enjoy  fresh fruit smoothies too and our crisper is loaded full. I don't like fruit flies- so I always have apple cider vinegar out to catch those pesky suckers. Peaches always remind me of my summers as a young girl.

7. Anytime is Ice cream time- It's okay to eat ice cream at  anytime of day -  at one or four or seven,..enough said.

8. Reading- Oh, I love to get to catch up on all the books I started on the breaks during the school year. I just finished Out of the Spin Cycle by Jen Hatmaker  and just started The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I'll let you know what I think!

9. Traveling- I feel fortunate that we are able to vacation. We usually go back to Cali ( yeah, I think so!) to see brother and his growing family. But this year we went East Coast style. I will save that for another entry. But I love going to familiar places and new places alike. I traveled a lot as a youngster and I am grateful for those experiences up and down the coast. It makes me love what I do and see the world and appreciate all that it has to offer. I will admit I am NOT a good passenger, I beg for Starbucks, perfect temperature in the car, and frequent pit stops... eh, oh well. You all know I am not perfect.

10. The excitement of a new school year approaching- Yes, I am a teacher. There is something about the thought of a new school year that sends my mind racing in between happy hours on the deck. I love the possibilities. The unknown - We are ready to start a new! I do plan and organize and reflect on what I can do better for the year ahead during the summer.  Its a blank space baby...

For the past seven years I have relished in my summers. I have spent these years making endless memories, and days filled with nothings. My tank is filling back up. I love everything about summer...I relish in late nights, even later mornings, binge watching Netflix, lazy days at the pool... my list goes on. And I am not apologizing...  Haters gonna hate...but this lover of summer is gonna love.  Enjoy!

Shut up and dance!

I may be a smidge crazy. I love loud. I love big. I hurt big too. I rant maybe a little too loud. But in the course of these last seven days that I completed this challenge  BY THE WAY I totally KICKED ASS in! Andrea Owen is a the resident bad ass. She is doing great things for women and helping us all be our best selves and living in our own skin.  This challenge wasn't easy. But it was sooo good, scary, messy, truthful, freeing! It gave me momentum and courage to keep on moving... 

1. I am seriously not alone.

2. I am enough period. No even when or buts I AM ENOUGH.

3. I have good stuff in my heart to share and I will not apologize for that.

4. I will show up even when I can't thing I can.

5. I will give grace because I am given grace daily and I don't even have to ask. (that is AHHHHMAZING- thank you JESUS!)

6. I will recognize when I am on the ledge and I will back this bus up and repeat steps 1-5.

And then if that doesn't work I will shut up and dance it out.

Like this little girl, Johanna...affectionatley called BOO... This girl gets it. She has my
R-E-S-P-E-C-T  for giving it her all and not apologizing a bit. 

I know there are days when it is hard to give it your all and you are tired and sad
just go all in. Even do your messy whole heartledly. Half assed is not fun. Glennon over at Momastery says its fine to be jacked up and messy...  JUST SHOW UP.  Because you are enough and don't apologize! Her latest blog post is jacked up perfection, read it here.

I will not apologize for mistakes I have made or for being a mess... if you love me you will love all of me...and as I get older, as cliche as it seem, s I am learning that every move I make jacked up or not is to LOVE. 

Hope vs. Expectation

I am baffled by people's behavior sometimes. Even at the age of 41, I scratch my head. The way people act  sometimes leaves me dizzy.  Like I was just hit by a 2x4. BAM. OUCH.

Oh calm down, there are things that I have done in the midst of crisis, or jubliation or a case of the vodkas that I am not proud of - what I am trying to figure out is how I respond or better yet have the courage to not respond to people's behavior.

What I want to do is this - clench my fists and scream, WHAT THE WHAT?

I want to lash out at them.. but that isn't the right thing to do. Even though it would make me feel better. For a minute. I could text them and probably say everything that I would never say to their face... Yeah, that is it! I am tough!  (not really, BULLY BEHAVIOR)

The truth is this...expectation is killing people's joy.  For instance. if you expect something grand and then don't receive it - is it really the people's fault around you?

NO!

Because you didn't tell them what you expected... and they just went about their business.  You may be hurt or disappointed but that unfulfilled expectation was put there by you.

Total JOY KILLER.

When I worked in retail management we had an "Expectation List". It was something we shared with new hires to help them ease into their jobs and what was expected of them. It was clear and concise and consistent. It helped to bridge the gap for the new employees.  It gave direction if they had questions about what they were expected to do and hopefully they would exceed those expectations on their own accord. Makes sense, right??

So would it be easier if people came with expectation lists? Or maybe we handed them out like Oprah, You get my list and here's another and another.... Hmmmmm, I don't know. Maybe we just need to shift our focus. Maybe just zero in on our own achievement and work on exceeding those expectations with excellence- NOT PERFECTION.

And then we can learn to NOT expect things from people. Keep those low and your own disappointment won't be followed by  a giant size tantrum. I know it is hard. Especially if you are a recovering people pleaser.

When you pray do you expect GOD to answer those prayers? I did, early on in my relationship, now I just hope.

Hope is powerful. HOPE IS COURAGE WITH WINGS.  It is when you want something to happen and when it does, you are actually really happy. JOY! This is something you weren't guaranteed so it is a true gift, a bonus. But when it doesn't happen, it's completely okay because you knew all along that it most likely would not happen.

Along with expectation comes that idea that you are entitled to something. AND when it doesn't you are let down.  BIG TIME. And if it does happen you aren't genuinely happy or experiencing joy because you expected it. JOY KILLER. Life is way too short to be joy killin' and stuff!

So instead of being a bravish and kind grown up you go ahead and invite everyone to your JOY KILLER party. On the menu, a huge serving of guilt with a side of nasty.  I so GET THAT.  I know when I am hurt I want to hurt people too... But I am working on that. That is why I signed up for the KICK-ASS Courage project. People aren't going to KILL MY JOY.

We Should do that together...lets be better together. Sign up with me here for a seven day challenge to be Courageous! And then watch this!

So lets not expect anything from others...only raise your own expectations of yourself. Achievements, goals, milestones. They don't have to be big or lofty goals either... start out small like, I am not going to say a curse word today or I am going to drink more water! And then work up to the big stuff... LIKE, I am enough!

HOPE IS GOOD. COURAGE IS GOOD. LET'S DO SOME OF THAT INSTEAD.