Stuck or Unstuck

THIS makes me cry.  Big ugly cry. Mascara running down my face.  Here is this beautiful hummingbird and she gets stuck. Literally. Someone finds her struggling.  She's crying for help.  And then he rescues her.  With calm and precise motions. Over and over.When he realizes she needs more attention and tenderness he gives it. Gentleness. He offers reassurance that she needs to get unstuck.

She can get unstuck with just a little help. Sometimes you need help like her.  You may not ask for it. You may be too ashamed,  But the right person will notice. And that person will be brave enough and  kind enough to kneel down and help that sweet beautiful bird.   And when she was ready she would fly again...

Found on southernpiphi.tumblr.com

The first flight after being stuck. Oh my friends. It's the sweetest.  Tears again. But this time there is a smile with them,

Whether you are stuck tonight or the unstuck I thank you for reading.  I thank you for not giving up. I thank you for not giving up on your stuck person too and being the unstuck. We need both of you.   

2:28

I didn't laugh enough today. My eyes hurt from squinting because I didn't wear my glasses. It's Monday. Monday's suck.  I was too busy to take care of myself. No breakfast  No Lunch. The worst catastrophe - NO COFFEE.  This is what happens... I let life or sucky Mondays be my excuse to stop taking care of things that need to be taken care of the most. My soul, my marriage, my health. I can feel the intent of trying to control it all slipping away. I beat myself up in silence and make lists for the next day. To try again because my favorite blogger BFF Glennon says that the win is in the trying. (Just kidding- she doesn't even know I exist)

My list was long tonight. TOO LONG.  As I was grading  papers...they weren't great. They were starting off slow. Real slow...and I started to talk to each and everyone of the kids and build them up in my head. And then I needed a break...because it is sometimes hard to build people up when you aren't feeling so peppy. Because remember my day started of sloooooooow. My afternoon was even slower...nothing was going the way I needed it too. And then it just kept snowballing and so I went away for a minute.   And then this happened- this guy...WHAT???  He is awesome and his smile and zest for life broke my heart in a million pieces. Damn. This is good. A football player tore me down and built me back up in 2:28 minutes.

So this is what I have for you on this habitually sucky Monday night ...2:28 of pure sweet victory. Watch it. You have 2 minutes and twenty eight seconds to build yourself back up.  My night has ended FAST.

Game Face

I have this friend whom I adore. Flat out adore. She is a lifer and we know it.  Simply put we can finish each other's sentences, talk each other off the ledge with one single word, one hug, one look, or one luke warm cup of coffee. She has a sense of style all her own and is a true individualist. We belong to each other.

When I get a wild, crazy notion to do something- she is the one I call to talk it out. She tells me, I'm crazy and then says, LET'S DO IT. We share inside jokes and too many "isms" to count. So when she sent me a text about the latest book she is reading and says this: " The Gift of the Sea, written in 1955, it's brilliant. She was talking about what u + i call 'game face'"; I stop what I am doing. Like drop it like it's hot and start writing. It makes sense- it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel connected. To write. 

Game face. We put them on when we are in an uncomfortable social setting, or need to get a job done, or conquer a fear, or even GOD forbid do something we -don't -want- to -do -but -we -have- to -do- it -so- just- smile- and GET IT DONE. That my friends is a game face.

Why do we do that? According to Anne Murrow Lindbergh, in her book Gift from the Sea she tries to explain it. This is good stuff. We are a generation of people that glorify busy. We are always doing something and going somewhere. We may not want to do it...it isn't feeding our soul  or completing us or energizing us.  IT is just making us tired and worn out and always having to put that game face on. Lindbergh goes on to say that "instead of stilling the center, we add more ...activities into our lives -which tend to throw us off balance."  This is so good.

Here's the deal on a Friday night after a long  (but no doubt fulfilling) week at school and the kids are in bed and I am reading or catching up on my DVR and I say no to an activity or chore that isn't going to "center" my soul, I will feel no shame in taking off the game face. I will guard my time and be careful to not fill it with things that make me feel less authentic and true to my one self.

"The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere" Lindbergh wrote ...I would have to agree. Shed those masks. You don't need the game face- Put it away. Bury it under the mounds of laundry or something... Stop the glorification of busy. Find your center and stay there. If, I mean when, you get out of balance, just start over and start searching for the sweet nectar that makes your heart sing.

This post is my second birthday present to myself...  my first is this book!!!  I am going to relish in the sweetness of doing nothing and not feeling guilty about it  And then I will try and try again.

      

borrowed from Quora.com

9/11: Remember with Love

On the eve of the 13th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedies I am emotional. I have been weepy lately.  But this year in the wake of all the news and fear that faces  our country, I decided to look back and see what my heart was saying in 2002, just a year after the attacks. It was still fresh in peoples minds... Please don't judge. I was twenty -eight. My heart has been busted open a few times since then...

Journal Entry: 9/17/2002
"On Sept, 11, 2001, our country was faced with a horrible tragedy.  We were attacked on our homeland. Two planes used as missiles were flown into the Twin Towers. Another plane was flown into the Pentagon and yet another plane crashed into a field in Pennslyvania. No one will ever forget where they were at 8:45 that Tuesday morning.

I received a call from Dennis at work...begging me to stay out of New York that evening. I was in West Hartford, Connecticut. I could hear the fear and anger in his voice. I was confused. I found the closest television and with several of my Nordstrom family we watched. In Terror. I remember holding a friends hand and the other hand covering my mouth. I was scared. I only wanted to be with him.

I only lived six miles from The City, in Nutley, New Jersey. Yes...birthplace of  the Martha Stewart. I couldn't get home for three days- all the bridges were closed. I stayed at my dear friends Andrea and Tim's and we were glued to the television. What do we do next? I remember sitting there, petting their dog Molly, thinking...this is a mess. Life is a mess. How is this going to get any better?

As I finally made the drive across the Tappan Zee Bridge...I couldn't believe my eyes. As I saw the  huge smoke cloud- where The Towers once were. I couldn't keep my tears at bay anymore. I sobbed. I cried out. I remember feeling so helpless. It changed our lives forever."


As I look back a few things have changed since that fateful day; I am in the middle of the country now and seem so removed from it. That makes me sad. It is important to share our history and so I do that with my own children and my students in a safe and loving way. I remember trying to explain it again to my Reese last anniversary...She said, WHY MOM? and sometimes I just don't have the words that will help her understand - so I tried this, sometimes, hurt people...hurt other people.

I reminded her that there were many brave people that helped strangers that day. Many sacrificed their lives so mommy's could get home to their daughters. And then we prayed because when I don't have the answers, that's what we do.

Twelve years after this journal entry- life is still a mess. Our country is a mess. But there is sweet too...and I will not live in fear daily. I will simply live with gratitude and be reminded that every day is a new gift. So on 9/11 we remember and we pay the respect to those that have been so hurt and ever changed by this tragedy.  My heart aches for them- all these years later. I thank them for being courageous to carry on. And then on 9/12, we start over and show the world  that we are a unified nation, resilient and strong. And that we are in this together, motivated to love and care for our neighbors...all neighbors. Love in action. Remember and then serve. That's what I will tell her this year...I am ready.

Snarky loses to a Smile

I don't have anything witty or creative, clever or even sweet to say... I am feeling snarky. Something is dead and the vulture is circling over head, waiting to attack its dinner. It totally stinks, and I am mad about it. I got myself in a tizzy when an unkind person was just that...unkind.

So here I am trying to figure out a few things; why the hell can I let that define my whole day, mood and being? and why do women have to be so mean to other women? We are supposed to be in this together...Oh, don't get me wrong - I don't claim to like everyone or have a million friends...I'm just saying; can't we lend a smile once in a while to a fellow sister? Kindness is meant to be thrown around. Thrown around like confetti. It is not hard to be kind. Why not do it more?????

I really don't think it has to be hard...AT ALL. I teach my girls to be nice and respectful to everyone...but we as adults aren't held to the same standards? I just don't get it... I really don't.

The girls spent the afternoon riding their horses...and I talked myself off my ledge as I watched them not have a care in the world, frolicking in the fields... laughing and smiling. I have smiles to spare.They have smiles to spare. We have smiles to spare.

I don't have anything profound to say...and I don't have to I guess, the only thing I have this Sunday evening, is Faith. Sweet FAITH and that makes me smile  That's more than enough tonight.

Good Morning! One cup of coffee in- the house is quiet. I love these mornings. I am reading and writing and planning my next week. Our next unit - classifying animals.  This makes me laugh.  We do it every day...too skinny, too fat, too needy, too boring, fun, smart, healthy, a hot mess...the list goes on and on.

And then my head starts spinning.Thinking too much and not talking to myself kindly like I should. A call from a key villager comes in and squashes those "thinking too much thoughts". Then I find this!! Thank you for this Momastery. I poured my heart out yesterday and I realize it may make people uncomfortable; it may make them squirm, people may push back or raise a few eyebrows at me or for my husband...or for my girls.There we go classifying again.  It is OKAY. We are OKAY. This is my process and my journey...

Picture from Momastery.com