9/11: Remember with Love

On the eve of the 13th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedies I am emotional. I have been weepy lately.  But this year in the wake of all the news and fear that faces  our country, I decided to look back and see what my heart was saying in 2002, just a year after the attacks. It was still fresh in peoples minds... Please don't judge. I was twenty -eight. My heart has been busted open a few times since then...

Journal Entry: 9/17/2002
"On Sept, 11, 2001, our country was faced with a horrible tragedy.  We were attacked on our homeland. Two planes used as missiles were flown into the Twin Towers. Another plane was flown into the Pentagon and yet another plane crashed into a field in Pennslyvania. No one will ever forget where they were at 8:45 that Tuesday morning.

I received a call from Dennis at work...begging me to stay out of New York that evening. I was in West Hartford, Connecticut. I could hear the fear and anger in his voice. I was confused. I found the closest television and with several of my Nordstrom family we watched. In Terror. I remember holding a friends hand and the other hand covering my mouth. I was scared. I only wanted to be with him.

I only lived six miles from The City, in Nutley, New Jersey. Yes...birthplace of  the Martha Stewart. I couldn't get home for three days- all the bridges were closed. I stayed at my dear friends Andrea and Tim's and we were glued to the television. What do we do next? I remember sitting there, petting their dog Molly, thinking...this is a mess. Life is a mess. How is this going to get any better?

As I finally made the drive across the Tappan Zee Bridge...I couldn't believe my eyes. As I saw the  huge smoke cloud- where The Towers once were. I couldn't keep my tears at bay anymore. I sobbed. I cried out. I remember feeling so helpless. It changed our lives forever."


As I look back a few things have changed since that fateful day; I am in the middle of the country now and seem so removed from it. That makes me sad. It is important to share our history and so I do that with my own children and my students in a safe and loving way. I remember trying to explain it again to my Reese last anniversary...She said, WHY MOM? and sometimes I just don't have the words that will help her understand - so I tried this, sometimes, hurt people...hurt other people.

I reminded her that there were many brave people that helped strangers that day. Many sacrificed their lives so mommy's could get home to their daughters. And then we prayed because when I don't have the answers, that's what we do.

Twelve years after this journal entry- life is still a mess. Our country is a mess. But there is sweet too...and I will not live in fear daily. I will simply live with gratitude and be reminded that every day is a new gift. So on 9/11 we remember and we pay the respect to those that have been so hurt and ever changed by this tragedy.  My heart aches for them- all these years later. I thank them for being courageous to carry on. And then on 9/12, we start over and show the world  that we are a unified nation, resilient and strong. And that we are in this together, motivated to love and care for our neighbors...all neighbors. Love in action. Remember and then serve. That's what I will tell her this year...I am ready.