My Thursday Heartbeat Song

my head was pounding when I woke up. I begged the meds to kick in, Quicker. I knew the day was going to be a doozy...party weeks at school are always like that. which I don't get - it's like Christmas- same day every year, and it shouldn't sneak up on you like your first chin hair, or your daughters first crush but it does. Party weeks are always busy and last minute gifts and favors and snacks and the list goes on to just add to the mayhem. And we always say, It snuck up on me!

So I was expecting mayhem and headaches and a dark day...instead I got something else.

I think you know by now I am a fan of dance parties... I love to sing loud and make up silly moves. I think it may be a little scary to watch. But guess what...I don't care!  Me and the girls dance party usually daily...today daughter #2 was studying her bible verse and I rudely interrupted as my song of the week came on...HeartBeat Song by Kelly Clarkson. I figure the first ever winner of  American Idol was okay to stop studying for 3 minutes. Yes. I did stop studying with my daughter to dance. There will be a time that they will not want to dance with me...so I am not letting that sneak up on me.

In the middle of all the mundane, fantastic, life stuff that happens as I try to keep things somewhat stitched together as husband is gone all week. My heart is bursting... I just feel like I have to shout it. So many things about this day snuck up on me... Like:

when daughter #1 said with a new grin I have never seen before, "See ya in the car players!"

or how about when two of my struggling students rocked their science test. Not that I didn't expect their greatness but it still snuck up on me and made me yell YES!!! I may have fist pumped. Okay I did, I totally rocked that fist pump.

or how about when we dance partied on the way home and daughter #2 says, "I just love you guys"

or how about when daughter #1  made me an egg for dinner - BEFORE herself. She showed me her servant heart and the fact she can make breakfast for dinner snuck up on me.

or how about as daughter number 2 danced and twirled and practice her ballet with such purpose that it made me dream of what her future will be on the horse or on the barre - that moment snuck up on me.

or how about how we rocked our chores as a unified team tonight with only one pouting episode and I didn't yell until bedtime!

So my heart is full tonight as I get ready for Donut Friday and a fun day with anticipation and buzz surrounding Valentines day. I hope you have a wonderful heart day without too much expectations or disappointment because really every day can be full of special moments, moments that sneak up on you and make your heartbeat faster...so turn it up and let it happen.You don't need a stinking holiday for that! (that's a whole other blog post...so I will shut up now!)

Even if you have forgotten for a while what love looks like...its there. Love is all around, turn it up and let it happen...after all love does win if you let it.

And tomorrow's dance party would be the most awesome dance party evah if Uptown Funk and Heartbeat Song could join us for our 16 min drive to school...someone make that happen!!!!

#gratitudeandchocolate

I am not exactly where I thought I would be. I don't really get too upset or angry  about it - its more of a confused state. Discombobulated.  I fell down the rabbit hole like Alice and then woke up... I look around and it doesn't look familiar but it doesn't feel wrong either. But it is a struggle for me daily to figure it all out. And as my girls get older it is even more important to get it all right. Every Day. And I fail at it miserably.

It makes it hard in this digital age for me to not be confused because I am constantly reminded of what my life should look like, feel like and be like as I watch everyone else's unfold via the highlight reel. I'm not a social media hater... just the opposite in fact. I am a social media junkie. I Instagram. I Facebook- (less and less but I do) I tweet. I pin. I blog. I skype. And yes, I use hashtags.
I teach technology for the love of Pete. I can't hate it. So when my church is offering some real Biblical truths about the tech world I live in... Consider my mind blown and my heart busted wide open to receive the good news. Or bad. Depending how you look at it. You know me by now...I will look for the sweet in it!

It applies to me so much that through the whole first service this past weekend, I sat there mouth open dragging on the floor. I am sure I looked like a bobble head in the chair, nodding and agreeing and having light bulb moment after light bulb moment. Or it could be that hubbie may or may not have leaned forward and pointed at me and said..."are you listening?" Um. hello, Sweet Baby Ray's Yes. I am all ears...

Here is my truth:
I know I am on my devices too much... and I tell my daughters to get off of theirs. Great parenting, right???  I blame it on my job, but that isn't fair. I need some moderation*
I feel I do celebrate wins and lay off the Eeyore type of posts or hum drum negativity...or even in appropriate content. Again- I am having to set an example for my daughters and students alike... So I am anxious to apply the Biblical truths that were shared last week and in the upcoming lessons. Crush comparison, celebrate others victories (big or small) and finally have a heart filled with gratitude...and chocolate.  Chocolate is good. Maybe I just need some balance??? 

Are you curious yet????

So here it is ... watch the video. It is 27 minutes short and that is worth your time. That is less time than an episode of Full House, a quick washing machine cycle or the 27 minutes you lost trolling Facebook this morning... Put down trivia crack and I beg you to take the journey with me... Whatthetech? is a journey we all could learn, love and grow from? Right? Kapish? #doit. #youwontregretit.

*I am not good at moderation. I believe all in is the way to go... 

Please Look After This Bear. Thank You.

Last week we took the girls to see the movie Paddington. I had been waiting for this movie for some time and I know for a fact I was more excited than the girls to go see it. Something about a bear with manners and the best overcoat had me channeling my inner child.

 I was ready to take a trip to London...

. 

As I sat in the movie theater I got a lump in my throat. I know I am a neurotic mess most days but you know this bear, he gets it. And he saves this family from mundane living to dancing in the kitchen kind of living. He didn't care that they were less furry than him, he just loved them. Kindly. He was respectful. He was dapper. He was curious and perfectly poised. 

Could you imagine what Mary Poppins would do if she ran into Paddington?  I think they would be fast friends. And she would, of course,  keep his unintentional chaos to a minimum. Not too mention they would share each others treasured optimism and a love for tea and crumpets with lots and lots of marmalade. 

Oh, I simply adore that fuzzy brown bear in a hat.

I wish we could all wear a note that simply reminded each other to "Look after me today...Thank you." Or a rubber band on our wrist or stamped to our foreheads! . Addicts do it to remember to be strong in their sobriety. We right post it notes all over the place, to help not be forgetful. 

Siri can even give us reminders to do every day things : take the trash out, pay the bills, 

pick up milk, soccer practice, ballet @ 4p.m. 

What if you set a reminder on your phone and at 11:45 am every day

(in the most persuasive Colin Firth voice) would say... 

"Look after others today...thank you. Carry on."

 Pretty simple, don't you think? 

A daily reminder to just look out for each other. I mean why do we have to not be kind or  not nice or not show grace to the ones we are around- DAILY.  I realize I am comparing us to a bear...he is a different species and all. But it doesn't matter what species we are does it?  I mean come on...we are all different.  Black, White, Tall, Short, Fat, Skinny, Gay, Straight, Rich, Poor, Stay at Home Mom, Working Mom, Christian, Jewish, Muslim. You get it right? Don't keep pointing out all of our "speciest" differences...just embrace and celebrate it.  We truly are all soooo different. 

I think Michael Bond was on to something all those years ago...

 "Paddington stands up for things, he's not afraid of going to the top and the hard stare"

The thing that connects us is the need to be loved and to love. So for the love of all that is good in this world -  just look after each other. Today, tomorrow and always.

Ice Cream, yes please!

Okay. Seriously. I love. Ice cream. It is probably one of my favorite guilty treats. I have been known to cry and carry on until someone, (aka husband) goes and gets me some.  Even Sara Mclachlan loves ice cream...  she wrote a song about it! I am not alone! Addicted much? Finally - someone else gets it.  I know exactly how these cute kiddos feel. Go ahead and watch. 

Now granted they are all wearing diapers and most can't communicate verbally yet. But I don't really care.  The only thing that can ruin ice cream is when someone puts back an empty container in the freezer. YES! someone has done that to me!!! How rude, right?  

My favorite ice cream of all time is chocolate peanut butter ice cream by Baskin Robbins. What is yours? The truth is I love the memories that come along with the ice cream...judge me as you wish about all my food issues. But we use to have a peach tree and made the best homemade peach ice cream during the summers. My brother and I would pick the peaches and we would sit for hours it seemed watching the machine churn,  I loved going to Golden Spoon on Bristol in Costa Mesa, California after school with my friends. I loved going to Thrifty drug stores ( I think they are Rite Aid now) and getting an ice cream stack for 10 cents. I loved the scoop...

laweekly.com

Who knew you could buy one  here for $155...free shipping!!!! That is a sweet piece of my childhood for sure.

urbanspoon.com

Any whoooo...I came across that amazeballs video that made me laugh until I cried and pined for ice cream and my husband got me some sherbet. Ya know, its a little bit better for me and since its a little too early to give up on my resolutions I enjoyed every bite of my raspberry sherbet.

 For those that have been know to dabble in the lactose intolerant arena it is an unfortunate fate, But they still understand that they are willing to sacrifice the awful tummy cramping for the sweet taste of ice cream on their lips. I for one am highly intolerant to a certain preservative put into certain ice creams...lucky for me I have figured that out and only go for the good stuff. 

Now please don't go calling the healthy police on me...we don't eat ice cream every day...( I could if I wanted to) and I think I only have force fed it to the girls for dinner maybe 4 times... 

I get it is a treat and should be just that...a treat. I love all kinds of ice cream and love to try new flavors...unique and distant flavors too. I still remember sitting in a West Hartford sushi restaurant enjoying lavender and green tea ice cream with my dear friends. It has never been duplicated!

Ice cream makes life better.    It makes it light and airy and sweet. My love for ice cream is deep and it comes packed with so many memories and its really is part of our culture. I think my next party will be an ice cream party to share the yumminess with my village. I did get a new ice cream maker for Christmas... It is da bomb!  

Snoop Dog said once that when he stops rapping he would open up an ice cream parlor and call it SCOOP DOG...guess what, Snoop? I'd be first in line!  

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

2015 is here.  It is. I can't believe it. Another year finished. Where has the time gone? 365 days. What did they stand for you? and yours?

My reality today is that I am looking back at my Pinterest board and I didn't accomplish half of the crap that I said I was going to- and for a list maker that sucks. And I have been mad at myself and fighting my demons because of it. I am playing the blame game and it is everyone else's fault except mine. I am still fat. I have more wrinkles then last year. My  house is disorganized, the boxes of clothes still sit in the garage, my kitchen is a mess, my pantry is in disarray which sends my hubbie into a tailspin weekly, my girls rooms are still painted from when they were babies.  Isn't that scandalous???? HA! I am laughing at myself now!! The truth is I really should be mad at 

No One.

You see for me 2014, was one of my bravish of  years...I finally did something that I have wanted to do for years. I put my thoughts on paper and I freed myself. I told my story and I am feeling lighter everyday.

Some people may not have liked what I wrote but that is too bad for them because I wrote it for me. Don't get wrong...I like to please. I like to be liked...but it is getting easier to realize that I am not nutella and not everyone is going to like me!! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Can I get an AMEN???  I should end the essay there..that is huge peeps. Did you hear what I figured out in 2014????  It is okay not to be everything to everybody - but I at least know I am something to someone.

Writing has been my therapy. I write when I am sad, happy, angry, scared confused, questioning - it gives me peace. Sometimes I do feel the pressure that it isn't good enough or that what I have to say is irrelevant. But then I am reminded by one of my village people that is the shame talking. Keep writing. So instead of making my list of the things I want to accomplish in 2015 I am making my list about all the things that I did in 2014 that made this my bravish year. 

I graduated with my teaching degree
I started a new position that I LOVE.
I started to blog
I visited Chicago
spent quality time with my loved ones near and far
made another year commitment to my church
shared in the joy of a loved ones new baby boy
mastered a fast change during Nutcracker that would make any dance mom proud.
sent my oldest daughter to camp : those that know me know how anxious I was but it turned out to be such an amazing spiritual journey for her
went to a marriage seminar

I danced in the kitchen.
I taught my girls how to fry chicken.
After twenty three years I finally was able to part with some of my mom's things
celebrated birthdays with friends
I spent time at the beach
I read.  A lot. 

I sang loud!
I went camping ...and stayed in a tent. Enough said.
I stood up for myself when I was supposed to and stayed quiet when words weren't necessary
I learned how to be still
I visited my childhood home
I made a new friend
I opened my online boutique chloe + isabel
I didn't give up on me and my hubbie- everyday we fight the fight and show up for each other. No one tells you that marriage is one of the hardest things you will "do" because love is about doing. 

I think the thing I am most proud of is that the realization that my life is my life - all the messed up moments and crazy daily things is what makes it whole. I am imperfect. It is still a pretty sweet life. I will continue to let love invade my heart and set daily reminders that love DOES. I will not sit idle. Sometimes I may not get what I want...but I believe in a big GOD and He will give me what I need.

That is a LONG list... I like it totes better than my short list of things I may or may not actually get done in 2015. But I have 364 days left. That is 364 chances to make each day better than the day before. Who is with me? Let's do this and be awesome and love until our hearts burst and our wings can't take us any higher.

sweethummingbirdchronicles.blogspot.com

Pretty Messed up Toes

I've waited a few days to let my ego heal before I decide to be real with you all. I mean this IS the season for authentic, real and raw right?

Have you ever been moving at light speed and think that everything is going your way and then you're reminded, not so fast... Slow down. It could all change in the matter of an instant?!?

I'm here to tell you it happened to me the other afternoon after I had a much anticipated and needed catch up with my bestie.  I left the pedicure chair with pretty feet, a cleared mind and a sense of renewed focus on the week ahead, i.e. Christmas crazy week. You know what that is, right!? End of semester, Christmas parties at school, favorite things parties with my peeps, and oldest daughters double digit birthday. My head felt like it would explode. But after the 45 minute pampering I was able to see things clearly. 

As I was leaving, I opened the door to the parking lot and it was cold and damp. I refused to put my boots on, well because why would I want to cover up my perfectly painted toes?!? I had only flip flops on and not even real flip flops. The fake ones. Disaster was looming. It was wet.  I exit and start bee bopping to my car ...but I step in a huge puddle!! And the water is under my freshly lotioned feet; (you totally are wanting to laugh right now because you know what is about to happen) Well the rest is history.  I went down in the middle of the parking lot. I fall. I slip and fall hard. Freshly polished toes scuffed from their date with the asphalt. I wasn't graceful at all. I managed to get up and assess the damage. Blood on my knees and elbows but no broken bones...phew.  My ego was severely damaged. I just paid money that I should have spent on others and for what? Messed up toes. 

So my life lesson is this : Sometimes life is going great and you're with your bestie getting a pedicure. And then wham. You step in a puddle and you slip fall and mess up your new polish. And then you get in your car have a good cry.  

And then it's all good. 

I still have my imperfect pedicure. I didn't go and fix it or have it touched up for a few reasons really... I had no time. And it was my reminder during this crazy time of parties and gift wrapping and over extended stressors that sometimes we need to slow down, watch for puddles and take the falls as they come. 

This time of year we can all get caught up in the perfect gift, perfect party dress perfect dinner, the list goes on and on. But my messed up little big toe is my reminder that nothing is perfect except for the ultimate and best gift of Christmas... The birth of Jesus.  

And now as the final days of 2014 are  coming ... The bucket lists and resolutions and regrets and failures and accomplishments are screaming at us.  But along with that is the promise of grace and a new dawn. Our walks may get twisted and ugly and smudged. But guess what? There is puddles everywhere... Keep your head up. Get some good nail polish for the touch ups and keep moving any way you can!

Don't do that. Do this.

I'm trying to be Mary but it never works. I am too busy acting like Martha and preparing for Christmas,  for well, everyone. Except the real reason.  Tonight I was still. My youngest is sick. And I sat in the chair after a drag out, not very Christmasy spirited exchange with Hubby and I wondered: why can't we just be content?

 Here is the vulture's truth.  This is the time to be preparing our hearts for the wonderful gift we were given wrapped in swaddling clothes and born in a barn...with hay on the floor. Instead, I am comparing myself to others. Which completely robs me of my creativity and joy.   There it is. Dark. Nasty. And circling around. 

So I stopped.  I sat down. And I picked up the phone and dialed the closest thing to my mom I know.  We laughed and chit chatted about the plans we were having and how everyone was and made sure that all were healthy on both sides of the phone. Thankfully everyone is doing okay. We talked for about  fifteen minutes. That is all it took for me to find my joy again. To be reminded that the reason for this season is to love, welcome and celebrate the birth of Jesus.  

I get so involved in creating life that I forget to enjoy it.  And then I get snappy and snarky and say hurtful things to the people I shouldn't hurt.  And during Christmas it is magnified to the millionth degree.
   

So here is my do and don't list. (I told you like lists.) 

Don't rob yourself of joy this season. Do be still and listen to Christmas songs.

Don't worry about the mess from baking. Do dance in the kitchen. 

Don't give to receive. Do give. Do give real big. 

Don't be afraid to say no. Do say yes to hot chocolate, a blanket and quiet time.

Don't move the elf. Do move the elf.

Don't be afraid of change. Do welcome new traditions.

Don't just give stuff. Do make memories. 

Don't compare. Do celebrate.  

Don't forget to love hard. Do show up, even if you aren't ready. 

Don't be a grinch. Do smile. 

Don't forget the cookies for Santa.  Do believe. 

Don't forget to be quiet, still and have a silent night. 

Do believe in the magic, wonder and beauty of it all. 

Don't stop creating. Do share. 

Don't worry about being imperfect. 

Do know that you are loved this Christmas and every day that is Un-Christmas. 

Sweet baby Jesus is on His way!