Pretty Messed up Toes

I've waited a few days to let my ego heal before I decide to be real with you all. I mean this IS the season for authentic, real and raw right?

Have you ever been moving at light speed and think that everything is going your way and then you're reminded, not so fast... Slow down. It could all change in the matter of an instant?!?

I'm here to tell you it happened to me the other afternoon after I had a much anticipated and needed catch up with my bestie.  I left the pedicure chair with pretty feet, a cleared mind and a sense of renewed focus on the week ahead, i.e. Christmas crazy week. You know what that is, right!? End of semester, Christmas parties at school, favorite things parties with my peeps, and oldest daughters double digit birthday. My head felt like it would explode. But after the 45 minute pampering I was able to see things clearly. 

As I was leaving, I opened the door to the parking lot and it was cold and damp. I refused to put my boots on, well because why would I want to cover up my perfectly painted toes?!? I had only flip flops on and not even real flip flops. The fake ones. Disaster was looming. It was wet.  I exit and start bee bopping to my car ...but I step in a huge puddle!! And the water is under my freshly lotioned feet; (you totally are wanting to laugh right now because you know what is about to happen) Well the rest is history.  I went down in the middle of the parking lot. I fall. I slip and fall hard. Freshly polished toes scuffed from their date with the asphalt. I wasn't graceful at all. I managed to get up and assess the damage. Blood on my knees and elbows but no broken bones...phew.  My ego was severely damaged. I just paid money that I should have spent on others and for what? Messed up toes. 

So my life lesson is this : Sometimes life is going great and you're with your bestie getting a pedicure. And then wham. You step in a puddle and you slip fall and mess up your new polish. And then you get in your car have a good cry.  

And then it's all good. 

I still have my imperfect pedicure. I didn't go and fix it or have it touched up for a few reasons really... I had no time. And it was my reminder during this crazy time of parties and gift wrapping and over extended stressors that sometimes we need to slow down, watch for puddles and take the falls as they come. 

This time of year we can all get caught up in the perfect gift, perfect party dress perfect dinner, the list goes on and on. But my messed up little big toe is my reminder that nothing is perfect except for the ultimate and best gift of Christmas... The birth of Jesus.  

And now as the final days of 2014 are  coming ... The bucket lists and resolutions and regrets and failures and accomplishments are screaming at us.  But along with that is the promise of grace and a new dawn. Our walks may get twisted and ugly and smudged. But guess what? There is puddles everywhere... Keep your head up. Get some good nail polish for the touch ups and keep moving any way you can!

Don't do that. Do this.

I'm trying to be Mary but it never works. I am too busy acting like Martha and preparing for Christmas,  for well, everyone. Except the real reason.  Tonight I was still. My youngest is sick. And I sat in the chair after a drag out, not very Christmasy spirited exchange with Hubby and I wondered: why can't we just be content?

 Here is the vulture's truth.  This is the time to be preparing our hearts for the wonderful gift we were given wrapped in swaddling clothes and born in a barn...with hay on the floor. Instead, I am comparing myself to others. Which completely robs me of my creativity and joy.   There it is. Dark. Nasty. And circling around. 

So I stopped.  I sat down. And I picked up the phone and dialed the closest thing to my mom I know.  We laughed and chit chatted about the plans we were having and how everyone was and made sure that all were healthy on both sides of the phone. Thankfully everyone is doing okay. We talked for about  fifteen minutes. That is all it took for me to find my joy again. To be reminded that the reason for this season is to love, welcome and celebrate the birth of Jesus.  

I get so involved in creating life that I forget to enjoy it.  And then I get snappy and snarky and say hurtful things to the people I shouldn't hurt.  And during Christmas it is magnified to the millionth degree.
   

So here is my do and don't list. (I told you like lists.) 

Don't rob yourself of joy this season. Do be still and listen to Christmas songs.

Don't worry about the mess from baking. Do dance in the kitchen. 

Don't give to receive. Do give. Do give real big. 

Don't be afraid to say no. Do say yes to hot chocolate, a blanket and quiet time.

Don't move the elf. Do move the elf.

Don't be afraid of change. Do welcome new traditions.

Don't just give stuff. Do make memories. 

Don't compare. Do celebrate.  

Don't forget to love hard. Do show up, even if you aren't ready. 

Don't be a grinch. Do smile. 

Don't forget the cookies for Santa.  Do believe. 

Don't forget to be quiet, still and have a silent night. 

Do believe in the magic, wonder and beauty of it all. 

Don't stop creating. Do share. 

Don't worry about being imperfect. 

Do know that you are loved this Christmas and every day that is Un-Christmas. 

Sweet baby Jesus is on His way!

Day 10: Ruthless Intention

My last entry of  intentional me...its been a journey examining the inwards of me and what makes me tick and explode. I am always learning new things about myself. I share them with you in hopes that you too have learned something about yourself along the way.

The intentional me wants you to know that:
you are strong and loved and valued by many
it is okay to ache and long for something
it is not okay to not commit to making the change
it is important to keep old traditions alive and create new ones along the way
it is okay to like weird music and dance to a different beat
it is possible to have a pleasant, honest relationship with someone you do not like
you always have a choice
Pretty Woman, Pitch Perfect and Breakfast at Tiffany's - best. movies. ever.
you don't have to understand everything to have a good life
tolerance is a subject that should be taught in school along with compassion
I am proud of certain accomplishments that no one can take away from me*
we are all different and we should celebrate and enjoy those differences
heavy hearts weigh people down; offer them a hug and a balloon
friends and family are the ones that make our lives infinitely better...be intentional with those relationships. nurture them.
every single one of you has a story to tell ...I hope you find the courage to share it


*here is one picture of myself and for this I am infinitely proud. 💙

Emotional Hangover

I woke up this morning with a major emotional hangover. I am not proud to admit it. Shame is winning right now. After spending a fun, chaotic and crazy day shopping I am exhausted.  Let me interject that I have never participated in Black Friday as a customer. I was always on the other side of the counter, hard aisle, or stock room. For nearly 16 years I greeted shoppers through clinched teeth all the while wondering what it would be like to enjoy the Friday after Thanksgiving with my family or friends...or do nothing at all.

After I left retail I vowed to never participate in Black Friday festivities on principal alone. That vow was shattered this year. I left my family on turkey day and did not return until yesterday afternoon. Almost 19 hours of shopping. That is right, I go big or I don't go!!! I had a wonderful time. I am convinced it had to do with the company I kept yesterday too.

Fast forward to this morning...the house is quiet. Girls are gone. Hubbie is at work. I should be refreshed and content. Nope. Instead I can feel Envy creeping up on me. Resentment is there too. Tired is hosting the party- I know that when I am depleted the party is a doozy. But the others are there too...Lonely and Dismissed have shown up. The infamous Seeking Approval is surrounded by everyone I love at the punch bowl; laughing AT me.  I am worried that the cashier at Crazy Eight didn't get my joke and is now having a bad day because I am not funny AT ALL. I can blame it on too many tabs being open in my brain or over thinking but sometimes these parties just happen. And I get sucked in and hang out with them for too long...


I don't know how I am going to combat this hangover. I am planning on riding it out for now...curled up on the couch with my coffee.

What do you do when you feel like this?

Songs

day 8... songs...

Oh, I don't know if I can pick just three...

1. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

2. Don't Stop Believing- Journey

3. You are the love of my Life -Sammy Kershaw

and one song can bring to my knees with the one chord ...Amazing Grace.

I love to sing. Loudly. I don't necessarily have a great voice. So I sing a bit off key and I like to turn anything into a song. It just makes me happy.

Henry Longfellow Wadsworth said, "Music is the universal language of mankind." Smart guy.  Spread some cheer today and always. 

I wanna be....

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is tomorrow... and it is day  7 of intentional me... wants. Kind of tough when you are supposed to be filled with gratitude and content?!?!

But my wants tonight are inspired from one of my favorite songs from 1994- it's a great anthem...

Do you remember Des'ree.? You need to listen. Its all about the things you gotta be! So instead of things I want or think I want; I simply want to be better.  Thanks to my spiked apple cider  a mini dance party occurred and I was belting the song out... I want to be bold, stronger, wiser and I also want a vacation on a beach somewhere. It makes me want to sing!!!! 

Good night all!

Soul Food

I took yesterday off. I hope you don't mind... but in light of all the awful stuff that went on yesterday in Ferguson, I just found it not very tasteful to talk about my intentional foods. Now, I realize that food brings people together in times of joy and sadness. And maybe that's what they needed yesterday after so many were disappointed about the decision that was made. Maybe a home cooked meal, around a table with their loved ones, with not a care in the world. And then I stopped. That isn't the feeling for some of the people in the several areas protesting right now. They feel betrayed and broken and that they are not being heard. So their cares are many and their burdens are heavy.

Please don't hear what I am not saying... My heart breaks for the families of both sides. There will be an empty seat at the Thanksgiving Dinner table at the Brown's house this year. And I feel that it is safe to say that Darren Wilson and his family aren't with all of their loved ones either. Both sides are losing.

As I am preparing for my meals this week...I know a couple things for sure. Food is my drug...sad but true and I eat when I am sad, happy, angry, celebrating etc. and every other emotion...don't hate me all of my health conscious friends. It is who I am and after 41 years, I haven't been able to figure that balance out before I fizzed out over and over again. See? Serial fizzer outer!
but here is my list: love it or leave it:

1. Senapes Pitza- it reminds me of my moms hometown and it a must every time I visit. No one gets it. you eat it cold.  its square and there is no pepperoni. 

2. Lucky Charms- my very best friend and I shared many bowls in college. 

It was our go to comfort meal.

3. ice cream- it doesn't even need an explanation.

4. breakfast- eggs and bacon. and it is best when someone makes it for you...the best!

5. tomato soup and grilled cheese- if I am having a bad day serve me this and I will love you forever.

So there you have it. In times of sickness or sadness most people are longing for the kiss on the forehead , the warm blanket or  comfort food that will take them to their safe place. Remember the ones that are hurting tonight. Ones that are afraid and have lost faith in their safe place. Or maybe never had one to begin with. I pray that their souls are being fed in ways only HE can heal and forgive and protect.  As you are sitting with your loved ones sharing life and food with your family and friends be mindful of those that are missing someone. What ever the reason maybe... and be kind.

Happy Places

It's Sunday night. After a weekend of running full steam ahead - I am out of gas on the couch playing the What's for Dinner  game.  And I am fine with cereal or left overs. Yes. Ice cream is perfect! 

Truth be told for several years now I have been struggling with my place in this world. Place = physical space.  Where I belong? Is this where I should be? All the while missing my roots and the familiar surroundings of the places I grew up frequenting. I find myself longing to share those places with my own family. 

I have lived in Huntington Beach, California, San Diego, Connecticut, New Jersey, Florida and finally here.  Where we have been since my oldest was 3 months old. 

Every place I have ever visited or lived I have taken a piece of it with me when my time was up there. This is the longest I have ever lived in one place since my childhood home... Ten years. It makes me happy and sad. I love the idea of a new city, unchartered territories, anonymity. Last weekend I was in Chicago and I could have stayed there.  Forever. But that is me. Just me. It isn't the married me, the mother me or the transplant me.  There's a difference. 

If you get the chance to travel, do it. If you like to stay in one place, do it. Create your own safe and happy places where ever you are.

I have some happy places that no one can take away from me... I also have a dream place that is on my and hubbies bucket list... One day we will get there. But for now I am content with this list:

1. my home

2. the beach... Salt and sand. For days. 

3. New York City ... the possibilities...the adrenaline rush.  Makes me giddy thinking about her. 

4. my bed... 

5. a loved ones embrace...nothing better than in the arms of my people. 

6. Disneyland...the memories here growing up can transport me to a happy place in 0 to 10 seconds. 

I realize that it is only six places on this countdown of intentional me but this is my dream vacation... A bungalow over the water in Maldives.

There you have it... It's not very exciting. But as I get older I realize it's not so much where I am but the people I am with. So... I would fly into an big cardboard box and hang out for days to be with my people.  

Where is your happy place?

Books...

Today is about books. I like books. I can not lie. I had to. You know I did. I found this on Etsy. You bet I am adding it to my wish list for Christmas!

Any whoooooo, back to post. I am raising two avid readers and I hope that doesn't change. I love to read anything... books, blogs, articles, childrens books, the list goes on and on.

One of my most vivid memories of my Mom was when she would hide in the living room and read for hours on the weekend. Her choice was the newspaper...she would save them all up from the week and read them until her hands were black from the print. She would be in her pajamas all day. In between her reading we would have "cooching" moments.  That is where me and my brother would snuggle with her, get loved on, squeezed on and she would share what she was reading. I loved to "cooch". I am convinced that is why I love to read.

Here is my 7 books for you today in my intentional me countdown:

  

  

I could seriously go on for hours...the Love Languages, Hunger Games Series, Heaven is for Real, Gone Girl, Glitter and Glue, Big Girl Panties... I have started and stopped several books. There is a list of books I want to read and must read and can't wait to read.   I have been know to have 3 or 4 started at any given time...that is from my squirrliness and my possible fizzer outer diagnosis. 

Books have meant different things to me at different points in my life too... some were read for survival, others read to just escape or disappear, some were read to learn or teach and others were read for pure enjoyment. 

Ultimately reading gives me hope. Hope that the next page will be better than the last...and if it isn't  I will keep turning the page. 

What are you reading? 

READ ON!